The Experiments, and Good-bye

Sorry for the absence, dear readers. I've been working a lot. I was out of town. It was the hurricanes. I thought something was burning in the kitchen. Bulking up for a 5k. Yardwork. I was trapped near the inner circle of thought. Sheer, unadulterated laziness.

Actually, I've been busy running a series of experiments on the boy. To wit:

Monkey Boy Experiment

For this experiment, we littered WeeZ's crate with foliage, trying to recreate the deep forest habitat most decent monkeys knew in their childhood. We were trying to verify or falsify the proposition: WeeZ likes sleeping in a crate full of foliage. Unlike the cryo experiment detailed below, Mer approved of the monkey boy project and acted as my lovely assistant. Here she is giving him some banana peel like a typical monkey mom, and picking the vermin out of his hair.


"bananutrients" 


"vermin-free hair" 

In the end, we couldn't control for teething and general crankiness, so while our data show that WeeZ is cranky whilst sleeping in a foliage-filled crate, said crankiness can as readily be attributed to other causes, and the ultimate question of like or dislike was not successfully addressed. Which is OK, because it let me move on to the...

Cryo-Boy Experiment

Like many men, I’ve often wondered whether I could survive being frozen and revived. Probably relates to Star Wars. Poor Han.

But, just as a lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client, so does a scientist experimenting on himself have a fool for a subject. As both a lawyer and a scientist, I could hardly look a double fool in the legal and scientific communities. So I froze the boy.


"i'm an experiment!" 


"24 degrees fahrenheit" 

15 seconds in the microwave on medium and he was pink and warm, if a little scalded. Go science!

Z as God

Mer and I have been discussing how to approach WeeZ's non-secular education, or at least education about the non-secular beliefs of others. To that end, I wanted to give him a taste of what it must be like to be God. I lifted him high over my head, and he smote Bitsy from afar. Looking at him up in the air, I realized he was like an unseen watchmaker, smiting cats all over the world....


"the all-drooling" 

And to Close, Some Bad Parenting

Mer, Erin, and E-dawg's sister Melissa were throwing down the paper last Friday. That's southwestern talk for card gambling. Really.

It got serious pretty quickly. Before a case of beer had gone by, Mer had lost both of our cars and WeeZ on a pair of deuces to Melissa. Melissa's happy now, but she doesn't know what diapers cost. Here are the girls just before Mer put the Toyota on the table.


"bluffing" 

Arthur and I have congratulatory cigars to celebrate Melissa's husband Jeff's new fatherhood. I have to remember to send him the Spock book and all of Zach's manuals and maintenance history.


"hard-won fatherhood" 

So, I guess that's it for the blog. Thanks for reading!

Addendum


"electric slide"  

This picture was too funny not to post. I was going to knock the boys' heads together like Moe, but they started dancing.

Also, Mer doesn't think it's clear above that I'm saying good-bye because she lost our child in a card game. So there it is. The premise itself is hilarious, and the detail I provide is all icing.